i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
