she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize