God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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