So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
