Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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