Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
