Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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