I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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