the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
