It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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