I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
