You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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