I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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