You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
