fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
