Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
