Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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