Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Found your dick twin last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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