i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
