Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
