I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
