Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
