I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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