I CAN MOONWALK!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
