Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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