I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
