yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
