I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
