....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
