Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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