i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
