btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
