I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
