Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
