i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
