Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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