If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
