I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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