I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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