I heard we made out
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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