speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
