Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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