when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
