I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
