so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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