I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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