I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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