I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
