There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
