You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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