You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
