then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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