Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
