Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
