I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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