You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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