I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
