My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
