Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
