i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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