WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
