Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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