Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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