no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
