We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
