what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
