If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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