i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
