Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
