You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
