Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
