so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
